PUBLISHED BY ALICE SCOTT (OT)

‘Dropping the Anchor’

A simple tool to help your child feel safe and supported when emotions run high.

Parenting is a rollercoaster, especially when big emotions take over, whether in ourselves or our children. If you’ve ever felt overwhelmed in a moment, you’re not alone. These ups and downs are a normal part of raising children. The good news? There are practical tools that don’t require any special resources, tools you can use right in the moment.

What Is Dropping the Anchor?

When emotions run high, our brains actually make it hard to think clearly - the parts responsible for reasoning and problem-solving tend to “shut down.” This is why it can feel impossible to stay calm or make good choices when we or our children are upset. Our bodies might react by going into “fight, flight, or freeze” mode - pure survival instincts!

“Dropping the Anchor” is a grounding technique. Instead of trying to instantly calm down or suppress feelings, it helps us reconnect to our bodies and surroundings. Think of emotions as wild weather at sea, and ourselves as a boat. Dropping the anchor won’t stop the storm - but it will steady us until it passes.

Everyday Examples in Daily Life

There are so many moments in everyday parenting when this skill can help:

When your child is having a meltdown.
During transitions, big events, or holidays that disrupt routines (does school break have you worried too?).
Rushed mornings or hectic bedtime routines.
Sibling conflicts, or after a long day when everyone is tired and tempers are short.
When you feel under the weather and can’t handle as much as usual.
After school, when your child’s held-it-together energy is spent.

You’re not alone if these examples sound familiar. Most parents face them daily—and they’re all opportunities to use Dropping the Anchor, for you and your child.

How does the anchor actually work?

Here’s how to “drop the anchor” in the heat of the moment:

Step 1:  Check the weather.

Ask yourself (and your child): What am I feeling right now? What’s going on inside?
Use any language or visuals your child knows.
Has your OT introduced strategies like “zones of regulation” or a “speedometer”- these may help!

Step 2: Come back into your body—drop the anchor.
Engage the senses. Gently prompt yourself or your child to name:

5 things you can see

4 things you can feel (texture, temperature, body sensations)

3 things you can hear

2 things you can smell

1 thing you can taste

Repeat for as long as you need, until things feel a little steadier and you can ride out the emotional weather.

Co-Regulation, Modelling, and Kindness to Self

For children, co-regulation comes before self-regulation, they look to you to learn how to feel and respond. That means you can model this skill, even if you’re feeling overwhelmed. If it’s just too much to guide your child, try dropping the anchor for yourself first. This helps both of you.

You might worry you don’t have time, that your child won’t cooperate, or that it doesn’t “work” right away. That’s completely normal! No one does this perfectly. Try when you can, and think of each attempt as building a life skill, over time, it gets easier. Start practicing during calm moments, not just when emotions are high. Even once a week, just for fun, can help make it familiar.

Be kind to yourself. Progress is better than perfection.

Why this matters in Parenting

Children aren’t born knowing how to ride emotional storms. They learn by watching us, the trusted adults in their lives, use tools and strategies. When you use Dropping the Anchor, you’re not just helping everyone calm down, you’re teaching your child what support looks like during tough feelings.

Big emotions often point to unmet needs: sensory overload, having to “mask” feelings all day, transitions, or stress. Instead of asking, “How do I stop this?” try “What does my child need right now?” Steadying ourselves supports our children: they can better connect, learn, use their words, and problem-solve. When the brain is in “fight or flight,” those things just aren’t possible.

How This Strategy Shapes Progress in Therapy & Everyday Learning

Therapists often introduce skills like this by modelling, then practising together, then supporting children to try on their own. Visual aids, simple language, and familiar cues can make it easier. You can do the same at home—don’t worry about perfection. Practice, encouragement, and repetition matter most.

Supporting Individual Differences (Diagnosis, Neurotype, Experience)

Dropping the Anchor supports all kinds of brains and bodies. For kids with ADHD, autistic kids, or those with sensory processing differences or trauma histories, this tool is especially helpful because:

It supports body awareness without demanding verbal explanations (they can just point to want they see, feel, hear smell and taste OR perhaps you can help provide them with these experiences instead!)
It reduces the need to “control” or suppress emotions—instead, emotions are allowed and handled safely.
It can be repeated or adapted (shortened, changed up) as needed.
It offers autonomy and choice—you can invite your child to try, but it’s never a requirement.

This skill meets children where they are, helps them respond to feelings rather than react, and honours individual needs. It’s both neuro-affirming and trauma-informed.

The Bigger Picture

Regulation is the foundation of engagement for learning, relationships, and belonging. Every time you model dropping the anchor, you’re helping build a family culture of connection, emotional safety, and acceptance. Small moments like these, repeated often, create the biggest impact.

Encouragement & Next Steps

Remember: You don’t have to be a “perfect” role model. Every time you your child how to notice feelings, name them, and steady yourself, you’re teaching lifelong skills. Try dropping the anchor together during quiet moments so it’s there when rough weather comes. Trust that every effort you make matters, even on the hard days.

You’ve got this!